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Chapter 5 – I’m not ready yet

I did it very casually. In the second week of December as he was eating breakfast at the Bright Box Cafe, I went over and sat across from him. I had gone home the night before and checked my mail so I wanted to make sure he had a copy of it sooner rather than later.

Jo looked up from his paper. “What’s up?” I went into my pocket and gave him the folded up piece of paper. He opened it and at first didn’t understand. “What am I looking at?”

I said in a low voice, “It’s my labwork. I had a physical about two weeks ago, when we got back from Harrisburg. I just wanted you to know that I’m clean and healthy.”

He looked beyond the paper at me and we stared at each other. Then he nodded slowly, but it was his only response. He worked late that night so I didn’t spend the night until two nights later. But we made love the way we always do and I didn’t bring up the use of condoms again.

Then the weekend before Christmas we were at my apartment because he worked late and came over at almost midnight to spend the night with me. We rarely stay here, I’m always at his house and even have a drawer of clothes there as well as toiletries. The next day in the evening as I was making dinner he said casually, “Check your email.”

I looked at him puzzled, but I opened my Gmail on my phone and saw that he had forwarded an email to me from his doctor’s office. It was a patient summary of his last checkup, a few days after I gave him my papers, and it included his own bloodwork panel, complete with HIV and STD testing, all negative, and a TB test for good measure.

I smiled and said, “Your cholesterol is a little high.”

He smiled back and said, “Must be all those eggs I’m eating daily at the cafe.”

“Maybe you should switch to pancakes,” I joked as I put a plate of steak and salad in front of him and sat across from him.

“Healthy carbs only, baby,” he said and I laughed.

We settled into my bed that Saturday night while music quietly played in the background. We go through days where we’re bumping like rabbits three to four times a day, then other days where we just hold each other. We were rabbits the night before and barely got sleep so this should have been a holding each other kind of night. But now I feel like since he put it out there, there is nothing preventing us from dropping condoms and getting even more intimate than before.

It had been years since someone has been inside of me in that way, and the last time was not a good experience at all, to say the least. I could feel my nerves bubbling over and I couldn’t verbalize why, but I know he felt it. He ran his hands through my loose hair softly. “You okay?”


He nodded slowly. Then he said quietly, “I love you, Micah.”

“I love you too,” I responded.

“Tell me, Angel,” he said softly. “Tell me what happened to you.”

Shit. I don’t want to. But I need to. And it’s time I told my side of the story, all of it. So I did.

“It was about three and a half years ago. Keith was a boyfriend that I met at a college party in Delaware. We were together over a year and then he started pledging for a fraternity so he moved into the frat house. One night we were in the middle of sex and his frat brothers came into the room. They made vile comments and Keith tried to tell them to knock it off but really, he had to do what they said and what they wanted. I tried to grab my clothes and they wouldn’t let me, then one of them suggested to the others that they take me to the basement.”

I paused as I relived the worst night of my life. He pulled me closer to him and I put my face in his hairy chest. He continued to stroke my hair as I gave him the abbreviated version.

“They beat me up and dragged me out the room into the basement of the frat house, put me in some makeshift swing and held me there for hours. I heard them say that this is where they take the girls they drug but they didn’t drug me because they wanted to hear me scream like a bitch while they….”

I paused again, then continued. “Keith finally got some balls and made them let me go. He took me to the nearest hospital but he left me there. I didn’t have anyone else to call so I called my Abby who had my cousin Chevon pick me up and take me to my grandmother’s house. But she also called my parents so that was nothing short of awful. All they did was berate me about my lifestyle.”

He held me tighter and said, “Please tell me you got them all arrested.”

“Nope,” I said sadly. “That’s the worst part of it all. A week later Keith showed up at my house begging me to let it go, that he was going to take care of it, and I believe him. He made love to me and then started talking, saying things like, ‘Now if someone asked you what happened, nothing happened right?’ And my dumb ass said, ‘Right, nothing happened.’

“He made me say that I won’t lie or blackmail him and his fraternity brothers, especially since they were all seniors. He left and then a few hours later he canlı bahis left me a voicemail playing back my words to me. He recorded me to ensure I wouldn’t go to the police. Then he changed his number and we never spoke again.”

I shrugged. “So I let it go and I got tested for everything every three months for the next year, thanking God I never caught anything. And I’ve been more careful about who I sleep with.” And who I give my heart to, I thought.

“You never told anyone?”

“No. There was no one in my life that could handle hearing everything that happened to me. Abby just thinks I got beat up but Chevon suspects more.”

He lifted my head up and kissed my forehead. “I’m so so sorry that happened to you. You know, if you need me to be less rough or-“

Ugh! This is exactly what I didn’t want. “Jojo, no, stop. It was a long time ago. And I love how we are with each other. I love how you take full control and how passionate you get with me. You’re not forcing me and it’s not unwilling. I want my hair pulled, my ass slapped, my neck bit. I love it because it’s you. You love me and you take care of me. So please don’t ever for a second think that you’re hurting me, even if tears are falling out of my eyes, because it’s not from pain. It’s only because I’ve given my heart and my body to you, and it’s overwhelming.”

I moved my face close to his and said, “I told you, I’m a lot tougher than I look. So I’ll be fine if you want to, you know… without a… you know… tonight.”

“I don’t want to tonight,” he said. “I just want to hold you. We don’t have to do anything that you may not be ready for.”

“I know but I want to try, at least once, with you.”

“Micah, this isn’t like going to the gym.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. Then he got serious. “Unless or until you tell me you want to change it, I’m good with the way things are. But for tonight we’ll just sleep together and I’ll hold you all night. Because that’s what I need to do.”

“Okay, Jojo.” He kissed my forehead again and pulled me close to him again, resting his chin on the top of my head.


Christmas is my favorite holiday and admittedly I get a little crazy. Since we were going to be in caribbean for New Year’s Eve and Day with Randy and Jerry, we decided to stay home for Christmas so I heavily decorated his house, much to his dismay but he allowed it. He worked half the day on Christmas Eve and picked me up from the Bright Box Cafe in the cream colored Lexus he rarely drives and handed me the keys to drive us to his house. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been driving it with his supervision since I don’t have a license and getting the feel of being on the road again.

We made dinner and settled in the media room under comfy covers to watch Christmas movies, such as A Christmas Story, Home Alone, and argued whether Trading Spaces and the first Die Hard movie are in fact Christmas movies.

But I got antsy, super excited to share my gift with him, so I asked him, “Can we trade presents at midnight instead of tomorrow morning?”

He smiled. “Okay. Starting a new tradition?”

I smiled back at him and kissed his face and said one word, “Midnight.”

I snuggled closer to him and paid attention to Almost Christmas with Danny Glover but really watching the clock. At 11:59pm I jumped up and went to get my square package and came to the living room. He had also left and met me in the living room, and we sat at the coffee table on the floor. He slid a small box across the table to me and smirked.

It was slightly bigger than a ring box but I wanted to tease him anyway. I narrowed my eyes and smirked. “Joseph. Is there a ring in here?”

He laughed. “Not yet.” I just stared at him for a moment. He said yet. Be still my beating heart.

“Open it,” he said. I put my package down and opened up the wrapping paper, and saw the dark red box with the Cartier logo inscripted.

I traced it with my fingers first. Since he bought me that expensive suit I have not had him buy me anything else that was over a couple of hundred dollars. I kept the check card but I haven’t used it. I don’t want money, namely his, to be the bridge that holds us together. As much as I like material things, I never want him to think that he has to buy me things to keep me happy. I’m happy just being with him.

He must have read my thoughts. “It’s Christmas, Micah. I’m allowed to buy my boyfriend expensive gifts at Christmas. And your birthday.”

I looked up at him and smiled, then opened up the box and gasped. Two circular diamond earrings in white gold sat in the middle of the mesh fabric, and a white gold bracelet surrounded the pair. I don’t know what a carat looks like but I’m pretty sure there were at least one or two of them in there.

“Joseph,” I breathed out his name.

I lifted the bracelet first, solid and unisex. It had engraving on the inside, Cartier on one side and Mi Angelo on the other. I slid it on my right wrist and it fit perfectly. I took the cubic zirconias out of my bahis siteleri ears and replaced it with the new actual diamond studs. Then I looked up at his smiling face. “Thank you. I love it.”

“That makes me happy,” he said happily and I giggled. He reached over and touched my ear. “You look beautiful, baby.”

“Now I need to get another piercing,” I sighed contently. Then got excited again.

“Okay, my turn. So, do you know how hard it is to get something for someone that can literally buy anything for himself? So I had to think about something that you want but won’t get for yourself, or something that you really need. And I think I got you both.” I slide the 8×10 rectangular package to him.

He opened the wrapping and looked at the framed certificate. He was puzzled, then I saw the light in his eyes and I know I did a good thing. He said very slowly, “You… got me…. a… dog?” He pulled the picture of the dog off the frame that held the animal’s adoption certificate.

I nodded profusely. “A chocolate brown lab. He’s three months old and I’ve already named him but you can change the name if you want.”

He was quiet, a bit in shock I think, so I kept talking. “I saw you with Jacks, I know you grew up around dogs and I know you had one in DC. I don’t understand why you don’t have one now so I took a chance and figured it was something you really wanted but never got for yourself but also something you needed because dogs make you happy. Like me.”

He was quiet then he looked up at me. “I love this. So much. But, I can’t have a dog right now.”

“Why not?” I whined.

“I’m never here. I work ten hour days and I wouldn’t want to leave a dog by himself all day long.”

“Well that’s why you got me!” I practically yelled at him. “I’m always here and I can spend more time here, just give me a key. I can take him out before I go to work, and then come back on my lunch break and take him out. Then we can trade off in the evenings. Obviously I couldn’t bring him here now because we’re going away all next week so we’re scheduled to pick him up on January 3rd in Philly. Please please please take him, he’s so perfect and lovable!”

He was thoughtful, then he put both the picture and the adoption certificate on the table. “Why haven’t you moved in?” he asked seriously.

I was taken aback. “Because… you haven’t me to.”

“I needed to ask you?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes!” I retorted. “I can’t just insert myself into your life and your house without being invited.”

“Micah, you were invited that first time you stayed over. You were invited again that first time we made love. You were invited every single time that I told you I love you.”

My heart melted for this man I love. “Jo-“

He cut me off. “Move in with me. Officially. Please.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay.”

He got up and I thought he was going to come over to me but he went to the dining table and grabbed something from his briefcase. Then he came back to the coffee table and sat next to me instead of across from me. “I got you something else, and it cost me practically nothing.”

He handed me a folded up piece of paper. I opened it and gasped. “Jojo, you didn’t!”

“I did. The Lexus is yours. I put the title in your name, all you have to do is get your license and register it.”

“I can’t take your car-“

“Shut up, Micah. I’m in love with you. Now, take the car. Move in with me. Raise a dog with me. Be with me every single day and night. Be with me, always.”

I had no words so I just reached my arms around his neck and held onto him. Eventually I said, “Yes. And I’m in love with you too. Now take me to bed. Our bed.”

He stood up with me still holding onto his neck. He took my hand and brought me upstairs to his bedroom. Our bedroom. He had balked at the bright red Christmas bed sheet set that I bought with a big Santa Claus and Christmas tree on the comforter, but he got used to that and the mistletoe garland that I hung connecting the bed posters.

He brought me to the side of the bed and took both of my hands first, then kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my neck and then my mouth. I didn’t have a lot of clothes on to begin with, just a white tank top and blue and white snowman pajama leggings but he took his time in taking off my clothes, revealing my black sheer french lace men’s panties.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy,” he said softly.

He left those on and took off his clothes first, then stepped closer, bent a little and lifted me up by my butt cheeks like I weighed nothing, making me giggle. I wrapped my legs around him and held on as he brought me to the bed. He moved the covers all the way down, and laid me flat on the bedspread, then turned me around, face down.

Jo squeezed and massaged my bum through the fabric, bent over and kissed all over my bottom. He licked me through the lace, making wet slurping sounds and tickling my skin. Then he slowly pulled the lace down but just enough so he could spread my cheeks and put his tongue bahis şirketleri in my hole. I moaned and drew my knees up because I needed him to have all access and he took it.

He spread my cheeks again and put his face in my ass. I shivered and moaned as he tongued the most sensitive part of me, wanting, needing more. He finally reached up to grab the lube and wet two fingers before inserting them inside of me, as was our ritual.

Then he turned me around, pulled my undies down and off, held my cock and licked my pre-cum first, before he put all of me in his mouth. I moaned as he moved his lips up and down my shaft, getting me hard and ready for him. I appreciate that my lover isn’t selfish and wants me to cum first, whether it’s by blowing me, stroking me or anal. It is what makes me want to give him all of me and tonight I felt that even more than ever before.

Then he did the unthinkable. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom. But I was over this condom shit. I needed all of him. Now.

Right as he was about to tear it open I reached up and forcefully snatched it out his hands and threw it aggressively to the left of me. “Cum inside of me, Joseph,” I told him plainly.

He smiled shyly, almost abashed, but he took the lube and began to soak and glisten his thick and juicy cock. I lifted my legs and held myself up by the back of my thighs, exposing my pucker fully. He leaned in and moved the tip in a circular motion on the outside of me, making me squirm.

“Uuuugh, breed me already,” I moaned. He entered me slowly and I gasped, then exhaled.

Yes, this is definitely different. His steel rod penetrated me and I felt every vein on him. Somehow he felt thicker and I felt fuller. He eased down until he bottomed out, then leaned over with his palms on the sides of me. I wrapped my legs around him and crossed my ankles on his back, then I reached up and connected my hands on his neck.

We stared at each other for a moment, then he began to move as smooth as the waves of the ocean, pulling back almost all the way out and sliding back in filling me up completely. Feeling his cock head slide against my prostate unsheathed was nothing short of euphoric. And apparently he felt the same because after the third time of sliding in and out his eyes fluttered and he breathed out, “Fuuuck.”

He moved down to his forearms and we made love this way for a while, his body steady and controlled, my heels guiding him as I pressed into his lower back. I like being loud but this time all I could do was hold on and whimper against him. He moved like he wanted this feeling to last forever and so did I. We lost track of time and space, the heat from our bodies and the roaring fire making sweat form on our chests, making sliding against each other with my cock in between us easier.

I knew it was coming, I felt it deep within me, maybe I felt it in my soul. The quiet rush of my orgasm grew into a roar as he continued to press against my internal nub. I started trembling against him, calling out, “Oh God… Oh God… Oh God… Oh… My… God…”

My eyes rolled back and moaned out his name, “Joooo!” My body seized up against him as my orgasm rolled over me but my cock did not seize, instead twitching and spurting out ropes of cum between us, hot white liquid coating both of our chest.

“Fuuuck,” he said breathlessly again, then began to move quicker, his own orgasm rolling toward us like a quick moving avalanche. He only made it about four more strokes and then said one word, “Cumming.”

I felt him explode that first shot like hot lava searing my insides, then the next couple of spurts deep inside of me. My guts were warmed and soothed and I let out a huge and verbal sigh of elation as he stopped ejaculating and laid still.

His face was inches from mine with labored breath on my lips, and he had a look of pure delight. I said quietly to him, “Ah. May. Zing.”

He smiled. “Ah. May. Zing,” he repeated.

He kissed my lips softly a few times, then asked, “Hey, what’s the name of the dog?”

“Oooh, that. Well… Every Timon needs a…” I bit my lip in anticipation.

He gave me that face of annoyance and amusement that he does. “You named my dog Pumbaa?”

“Si.” I nodded and grinned widely.

“You’re impossible,” he told me, making me giggle. He chuckled and kissed my lips. “I like it.”


“Yes. And I like you.”

He kissed my lips again with more passion. We kissed for a while until he grew soft and had to slide out of me. He went to the bathroom while I laid there and relaxed my body, feeling his spunk slowly leak out of me, grinning widely. I could get used to this.

He came back and pulled me close against him, kissed my face and said, “One hour. Then we go again.”


We spent most of Christmas Day taking full advantage of our newfound sexual freedom by spontaneously having sex. We fucked in the shower, in the hallway against the wall, on the living room floor during a commercial break and again in the shower, eating occasionally, answering Christmas greeting calls and sending some out ourselves. We collapsed into bed exhausted by the early evening, kissing and touching each other, my bottom full with my lover’s cum.

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